Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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