tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
