fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
