You really coming over, don't trick.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
