Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Randomize
