Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
