When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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