so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Sext me about skeletons
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
