not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize