He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
