her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
