i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
