hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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