i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
