idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
