yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
