so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
