I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
