Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
