even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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