Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
