I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
did i just pee glitter
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
