Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
