tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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