no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
