Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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