Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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