Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
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by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
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You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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