pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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