You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
tell me about the eggs
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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