i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
