I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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