I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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