Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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