ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
