lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
