I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
