You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
