She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
