the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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