How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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