What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
