I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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