About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
