My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
