i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
