I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
