belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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