I should be sponsored by Trojan
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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