Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I will be naked everywhere
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
