I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We are two peas in an std pod
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
whose parrot is this?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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