How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
