I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
