What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
