I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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