I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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