I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
